Diam

Aku tidak tahu apa yang kau fikirkan selama dua hari kita tidak berkomunikasi. Mungkin ia pendek, tapi untuk kita ia sebenarnya waktu yang panjang. Kerana kita tidak pernah putus komunikasi peribadi lebih daripada 24 jam. Aku menulis di sini kerana aku mahu bercakap denganmu tetapi aku tidak mampu mengungkapkannya secara berhadapan. Biarlah tulisan ini menjadi jurubicara aku kepadamu.

Perjalanan kita ini aku fikir patut kita tamatkan sahaja kerana aku sudah tidak mampu meneruskannya. Berjalan dan adakala berlari dan menari-nari di atas laluan paradoks ilusi dan realiti bukan sesuatu yang mudah untuk dilakukan. Selama berhubungan denganmu aku tidak pernah memikirkan yang buruk-buruk tentang dirimu. Tetapi apabila realiti mengetuk pintu emosi dan akal ku berulang kali sehingga aku disfungsi, biar sahajalah aku menyepi meskipun rasional sentiasa memujuk diri untuk memulakan argumentasi.

Mahu sahaja aku katakan padamu tidak mahukah kau pertahankan apa yang kita ada. Tetapi, apabila aku terfikirkan ayat itu, terus sahaja imaginasiku menjadi liar. Lantas aku diamkan sahaja, kerana aku tidak mahu memburukkanmu dalam fikiranku dan aku terburukkan diriku sendiri. Sekarang ini aku sudah menjadi 'numb'. Aku mahu marah, tetapi aku tidak mampu. Aku mahu sedih, tetapi aku tidak mampu. Aku mahu lega kerana berjaya membuat keputusan untuk putus daripadamu, tetapi aku tidak mampu. Apatah lagi gembira dan suka. Semuanya aku tidak mampu.

Yang aku mampu hanyalah diam. 

10 Reasons Marriage has Ruined My Happy Single Life

1. My best friend is no longer always available for me.
2. I am now a lone ranger. I am by myself. I do almost everything alone.
3. Eating alone. Dining by myself sucks so much. Eating and fulfilling conversation are a great combo which is a scarcity for me now.
4. I have nobody on my level to talk to.
5. It’s time to find another friend? That’s when it sucks. Now I do not easily let anyone into my life because I do not want to accommodate people anymore where I have to lower myself to their level. At this point of life, I no longer want to please people. I want to let in people that I am comfortable with and they are comfortable with me as well. It’s more fulfilling but honestly speaking, as long as I have lived, I only found a few. They are truly gems and hard to be found. And now I have to start the search again? Give me a break. 
6. I start to question myself that whether my singledom is worth it or not. Because being alone, (in reality) bothers me and imagining myself exploring the world alone really scares me.
7. People are bashing me for staying single and out of any relationship. It’s easy to counter all those cynical remarks because I know what I am doing. But deep down in my heart, it hurts because I really crave companionship but the environment that I’m living in will not get me the kind of relationship that I want. Being single is better than living married in my situation though it’s not easier. The question is, how am I going to make myself happy with the way I am living now? I blame my friend for getting married that she’s ruined my comfortable, hassle-free and fun single life.
8. I am easily threatened by others getting married. The more people are getting married, the more I feel I am the weirdo. Though what I want and what others want in their life are totally different, my ideals and their ideals are different, I could not escape from feeling guilt. It’s like I am doing a disservice to my life. At this particular point, I blame the universe for not making people more like me.  
9. I never met anyone in person who takes marriage as just part of normal human life as much as being single except one or two people, what more of taking it lightly. Most of single people I met desperately wanted to get married. It’s depressing. For me, they are toxic to my happy single life. There are no other constructive things in their mind other than when is their time to get hitched. Come on people, there’s more to life than being married.
10. I got angry a lot when I saw men become total assholes and women become more stupid after marriage. This is the notion for the majority of couples that I saw. I saw men became more authoritative and feel superior because they are married. Not just onto their wives, but others as well, especially single ladies, and they made my life hell too, by imposing their conceited logic onto me. Their rationale is not rational anymore. Everything is all about their pride, but people would take it rational because it’s the normalcy. The wives, on the other hand, become quieter and defend their husband more than being rational and logical. The most important thing for them is to have the adoration of their husbands regardless how jerks the men have become. These women indirectly grew a monster inside their men's selves.  This situation disturbs the peace of my mind as being married insofar did not make people became more just, rational and logical, injustice and stupidity are things that I loathe. When more people become stupid or tyrant, it's not a pleasant scene to see.  Being married I saw had undoubtedly fed men’s ego and pride, lowered women’s intelligence and degraded them without them realizing it. I am not happy when I see people become stupid and tyrant because of marriage. In this situation, I blame the women. Had they become intelligent and smart literally and figuratively, courageous enough to do the ‘right thing’, and never let their insecurities overcome them, they would never let their men become jerks and men wouldn’t dare to become jerks.  

Seni Membaca bukan Seni Elit

Pagi semalam terlalu 'cerah' dek kerana gambar-gambar dalam The Last Book. Ia gambar-gambar yang sama temanya; membaca di dalam keretapi. Oh, sangat terpesona dengan gambar-gambar itu. Terpesona dengan tajuk-tajuk buku yang dibaca. Terpesona dengan reaksi orang-orang itu ketika membaca. Hampir kesemuanya 'jauh' dalam alam buku yang dibacanya.

Jenis manusia-manusia yang 'difoto' pelbagai. Yang tua, yang muda, yang cantik, yang hensem, yang average-looking, yang miskin, yang kaya, yang ala-ala blackmetal, kanak-kanak, yang bekerja, student, yang selekeh sampai nampak macam homeless pun ade. Pendek kata, semua jenis manusia membaca.

Bila tengok gambar-gambar tu, terus jadi inspired dan faham, walaupun diorang ada yang seolah nampak macam kutu gerahak, diorang tak bebal. Jadi, biar nampak hodoh appearance tapi jangan kontang idea, knowledge, words, insights dan seumpamanya didada. Membaca sepatutnya menjadi aktiviti wajib semua orang. Baca lah apa sahaja - ya, APA SAHAJA. Supaya otak TAK BEBAL dan BODOH. Supaya boleh fikir dengan lebih baik. Kalau tak membaca, otak jadi beku. Tiada flow perkataan dalam minda.

Sangat memalukan bila mengaku depan orang secara terang-terangan tidak suka membaca. Maka disebabkan itu, membaca bukan kebiasaan. Itu menzahirkan punca kenapa kita 'clueless' setiap masa. Sebab dalam otak kita, tidak banyak 'dots' akibat kurang exposure kepada pelbagai pengalaman, dan buku adalah semudah-mudah bentuk pengalaman. Makin banyak buku yang dibaca, makin banyak pengalaman kita lalui, makin banyak 'dots' yang kita akan dapat. Bila makin banyak 'dots', makin bersambunglah 'dots' ini ditambah dengan realiti-realiti yang kita hadapi. 'Dots' yang bersambung ini yang mencerahkan tentang realiti sekeliling dan memberikan idea. Ia satu rantai yang besar dan panjang.

Maka membaca itu walaupun membosankan, jangan ditinggalkan sama sekali. Jangan biarkan hidup ini hanya whatsapp dan fb (melainkan kalau fb itu penuh dengan link artikel). Itu menjadikan kita bebal. Kita takkan mampu fikir lebih jauh kalau tak membaca. Rugi kalau hidup sudah nampak hebat, gaji besar, makan pakai mewah, tapi bebal. Tak mampu nak faham apa yang berlaku dalam hidup, dunia ini dan di sekeliling. Kegagalan memproses apa dan kenapa perkara-perkara dalam hidup, dalam dunia dan realiti itu kebebalan.

Firman Tuhan yang pertama itu sangat signifikan:

'Bacalah dengan nama Tuhanmu yang menciptakan'

Bacalah supaya otak berjalan. Bacalah supaya kau tidak bebal. Bacalah supaya kau boleh proses dengan baik apa yang orang cakap pada kau. Bacalah. Bacalah. Bacalah.

Humblebragging is never good.

You think bragging is bad? Well, humblebragging is worse. People do it when they don't want to show off (out of conscience or merely because it looks bad or make them look bad) but can't resist to show off. What they say may look modest but if you watch closely at how they put their sentence and their body language, you'll detect something is just weird there as in you feel 'menyampah' or you feel something is wrong. That feeling is a sign that those people are humblebragging. They look modest but they are not honestly modest.

Why humblebragging is worse than bragging? It's simple. Humblebragging is fake while bragging is not. Bragging genuinely shows your feeling towards yourself and your achievement. But it doesn't make bragging better than being modest as in genuinely modest. Showing off is a bad habit, but alas, it's still a human behavior, so it's somewhat acceptable but it must be in a moderate amount.

But what makes humblebragging worse than bragging itself is dishonesty. People who humblebrag are not honest to people when expressing what they feel. They want to look like they don't care with their wealth, achievement or whatever they have but actually they do care about it and they take pride in it. It's important for them to look good in front of other people and bragging make them look bad. So not to look bad, but still want to brag, humblebragging is the viable way to make both possible.

When I see people brag, I can't help rolling eyes, but when I see people humblebrag, I literally reject them because dishonesty is never a virtue regardless how good it looks. Seriously, I despise them so much because they are devil in disguise.

Next time, no matter how bad you feel about bragging but can't help to brag, just brag it out. You deserve the bragging right when it's due.   

You label? Then you are not my level.

Just a few days ago, my very good friend cum my mentor PMed me. He told me that I am inclined towards LIBERALISM. So he suggested me to read more hadith so that I won't trespass the 'line' and not arguing and questioning as I like as what I'd be questioning might be the truth from the Prophet. His saying that he was like me before as in; I believe I am above religion and all Islamists are stupid, turned me to a very confused state, or more to 'what the hell?'

First of all:

I have no problem with his advice that I should read more hadith. It's true that everybody must increase knowledge of prophetic tradition in order to live an exemplary life. The Prophet is the epitome of the perfect human being, so it's logical if you want to live as the truest servant of God, the Prophet should be the guide and his Sunnah is the guideline. It's an order from Allah too. No true believer can argue that.

I have to be perfectly clear about this as I'll be explaining issues that somehow people would see my statements contradictory, except for those who have the brilliance and intelligence; these people would have no problem to follow my arguments and they wouldn't feel I am arrogant because I am merely stating the fact. The irony is mostly people would feel the opposite despite saying they understand my words.

Secondly,

I admit that I was so pissed off with his messages. It's accusing, bias and prejudicial. Despite his true advice, his statements about me was merely his assumptive conclusion, and he didn't bring anything to prove his claim that I am inclined towards liberalism. So it's pointless to entertain it. Sorry bro, if you want to accuse me of something, bring the proof. Otherwise, I'd be stupid to believe everything you said and I am not stupid.

Thirdly,

Let's see the reasons of why I should not take his statements seriously ie not to accept his presumptive idea about me. Alas, who knows me better than myself (cliche'). Because seriously, it makes me dumb if I accepted his baseless statements.

1- He said that he saw me moving towards the liberal thinking.

The problems were:

1. He didn't quote any of my statements to show my 'liberalness'
2. He didn't show me where my statements were problematic as in; this is right and this is wrong, and he didn't explain why.
3. What kind of liberal that he actually meant and he couldn't accept or in other word contradicting the religion?
4. Even though what I wrote might have the same note with the 'liberals', he has no right to call me liberal, as obviously that would be the way he could dismiss my argument with no critical explanation (he did that so many time). As much as I want to call him conservative, I do not want to stoop that low and I tried hard to see through his arguments. (Believe me, it's hard to bear the torture of being accused baselessly). And basically, I could argue a lot of his problematic fallacious statements but I didn't. I was and am so lazy to argue.

2 - 'I am above religion'

1. Did I say that?
2. What made he think that I think I am above religion? He didn't answer.
3. He should explain this point so that I could explain to him what I was thinking. Not accusing me just like that without any proof. Proof bro, again, proof.

3 - 'All Islamist are stupid' - he believes I think that way.

1. Seriously mate, you shouldn't have a problem with this statement. If you want to say otherwise, prove it. Don't just say I am wrong thinking that way.
2. That's obviously stupid argument for saying that I am wrong. Because Islamists are not Islam.
3. Their deductions and opinions are also affected by their own bias, be it misogynistic ideas (I can prove this matter-of-factly), culture, ignorance of other worldly knowledge, literal interpretation (which is of course a stupidity). Lack of knowledge is obviously the reason of their biasness. I am seriously saying this; please read a lot of worldly materials so that you won't fall into this category.
4. Okay, is that what I really think? Though I feel that, but to think that all Islamists are stupid is basically baseless. A lot of good and brilliant remarks I saw made by the Islamists. There you go, I don't believe ALL Islamists are stupid. Why didn't you bother to ask me that in the first place, dude?

So here are things that you guys should know about me:

1. I don't care what you think, but if you care what I think, argue me with facts, solid and logical arguments.
2. I have no problem you attacking my apparent idea and opinion, but I have problem you making personal attack on me. Seriously, this type of people makes my arguments worthless and pointless.
3. I am open for you to disagree with me. It's fine. Just prove your point. We might come to agreement or disagreement, but your action contesting my opinion with your point maturely earns my respect, and regardless how disagree we may towards each other, I won't lose my respect towards you.
4. I have serious problem with labeling. Why? Because it dismisses my opinions/points without proper contest. What more to explain if that is the kind of counter-argument? Obviously, this person doesn't want to listen any explanation other than me dropping it. It drives me mad when people don't tell me what's wrong with my argument as in: your argument is invalid because of this and that, but instead saying: your argument is wrong because it's what the liberals believe????? Seriously???? If it happened to be the same, then tell me what's wrong with it. Drop the labeling, then I can entertain your counter- argument. A mature and decent (intellectually) is what I am going to participate. Hey, again, I am okay for you to disagree with me. You have the right to prove your point, I'm all ears. But prove it with a decent argument not with one sided labeling.
5. I am saying this very seriously: You label? Then you are not my level. Only people who can have mature discussion is the one who're on the same level as me.

I refrained myself from sarcastic remarks as I want to drive my point home without any distraction. It's hard not to be misunderstood. So if you still feel that I am arrogant, be it because the truth is, you do not have the ability aka enough level of intelligence to digest my words. With that, I rest my case.
   

Touching dogs is haram? Seriously?

I am beyond pissed when looking at the comments of clerics pertaining "touching dogs without specific purpose ie purposeless or just for fun".

Some of them came out with the fatwas of Hanbali's and Syafi'e's. They said that both of these mazhabs forbid touching dogs without purpose or it is HARAM. What these clerics fail to mention is the proof or dalil of these mazhabs' opinion. Without these dalils, their opinion is disputable. 

I choose not to settle until they mention what dalil that these mazhabs based their argument upon. And if we look closely at the argument and compare it with other situation such as touching other najis, this opinion fails to stand as a consistent one. Only dalil or proof from the traditions of the Prophet salla Allahu alaihi wasallam will solve this dispute. 

To make things worse, they came out with their logic that only support their opinion. Believe it or not, they commit a fallacy in their argument. We call it slippery slope.

"Dog is najis mughallazah therefore it's haram to be touched without specific purpose"

First: I do not see the correlation between najis and haram to be touched.

Why? Because it is impure? But we can clean it, can't we? 

Just say, that the scene is disgusting, but nevertheless it doesn't prove its haramness.

Second:

I never heard any dalil or proof from Quran and Hadith that touching najis for fun is haram. Never in my life. What I only heard or read about it is it's not okay to make them as pet. You cannot say haram just because you see it disgusting (in your eyes). It is must based upon a fact or proof.  

The scholars of previous time may have reason why they hold to that opinion. But why our clerics or religious authorities only stated the mazhabs' opinion without stating their reason and justifications? And they settled with their opinion without inquiries for the details. Moreover, they are not open for other opinion from  other mazhabs thus bashing the dog touchers based on one opinion which is bias and unfair. It's frustrating things to see. The society? Oh don't talk to me about the holier-than-thou people who easily bash the dog touchers, saying that they are insulting the religion. They have serious problem with their knowledge. It's hopeless to change their mind and their attitude toward this. 

Ana Anta Antum? Facepalm -__-

Dialog no 1:

Ammar : Ahmad, enta sibuk tak? 

Ahmad : Maaflah, ana tengah sibuk ni. Kalau ada pape hal, enta cuba minta tolong Fuad. Dia tengah free tu. 

Dialog no 2:

Sally : Hi Mira, lama I tak jumpa you. You duduk mana sekarang?

Mira : Hi, I duduk Kajang. Eh, you pulak kerja mana sekarang ni?

Sally : I kat tempat kerja lama lagi. Tinggal I sorang je. Alia pun dah berhenti dah. Dia kerja di Ampang.

Kalau diperhatikan dialog-dialog di atas, ia hanya lah perbualan biasa yang menggunakan unsur-unsur bahasa luar. Dialog no 1 menggunakan kata ganti nama Arab, iaitu ana dan anta. Enta tu cuma slang je. Dialog no 2 menggunakan kata ganti nama Inggeris iaitu I dan you. Tapi yang menarik untuk diperhatikan, hanya kata ganti untuk saya dan awak sahaja yang menggunakan bahasa asing. Bila masuk kata ganti nama ketiga iaitu dia, bahasa Melayu pulak yang digunakan. Ironik kan?

Soalan yang terlintas di dalam kepala ni, apa sebab kita tidak konsisten dalam penggunaan bahasa asing bila menyebut kata ganti nama? Kenapa tak ganti dia dengan huwa atau hiya, mereka/ diorang dengan hum? Dan kenapa tidak ganti dia juga dengan he, atau she? Pelik eh? Tapi guna untuk aku dan kau/ saya awak  tak pelik pulak. Pelik kan kita ni. Main ayat propa pulak. Heheh...

Perkara yang buat Huda berbulu bila puak-puak agama berana enta, enti. Haih siap slang. Ingat kalau guna ana, enta, entum tu makin beriman ke? Kalau tak boleh nak konsisten guna Arab utk semua kata nama tak payah la nak guna ana, enta, enti etc. Lagi-lagi kalau semata-mata nak rasa mutadayyin (ops bahasa Arab sudeyh).... Boleh google je makna متدين.

Bahasa Inggeris pun sama. Tapi Huda tak berbulu sangat, sebab kita memang maklum puak yang guna I dan you yang tak ke mana hala ni sebab apa. Buruk lah kalau sama perangai sama level. Orang beragama mesti ada standard of conduct yang lebih tinggi. Menggunakan kata nama Arab yang separuh ni sikit pun tak menaikkan darjat, bahkan merendahkan lagi ada la. Yela buat apa nak guna ana anta anti kalau semata-mata nak rasa diri ini lebih soleh dan musleh. Tolong lah mufsid lughah lagi ada.

Tu belum kira yang over guna perkataan Arab tanpa kena tempat. Lol, kalau tak tahu bahasa Arab tak payah guna la. Pathetic I may call. Huda berbulu gila bab ni sebab kat Malaysia ni bahasa Arab dipandang dengan konotasi agama. Jadi kalau sebut perkataan Arab sikit orang akan pandang kita ni ustaz/ustazah. Ramai yang Huda tengok yang guna ana, anta ni stok ustaz/ustazah, budak usrah, budak sekolah agama dan ada jugak budak yang ambil kursus agama. Nampak naik maqam iman sikit kalau guna Arab kan? Sebab tu guna je lah bahasa Melayu daripada bahasa Arab disalah guna untuk kepentingan tidak mulia itu.

Kalau student bahasa Arab tu tak payah cerita la. Dah itu yang diorang belajar.

Huda membebel ni boleh pulak dalam 3 bahasa? Cakap bukan main, kutuk orang tak sedar diri. Jawapannya, Huda ni budak bahasa Arab, so kalau nak argue lupakan je lah. Huda tak pernah guna bahasa Arab semata-mata nak rasa Huda ni beragama. Cakapla berhabuk Arab pun, sikit pun Huda tak rasa iman ni naik sebab cakap Arab. Inggeris pun sama, sikit pun tak rasa iman ni kurang bila cakap bahasa Inggeris, apatah lagi Melayu. Bahasa cuma alat komunikasi yang unik dan dinamik. Seronok main dengan bahasa ni. He.